Monday, January 17, 2011



seriously this can't be happening right now
I've never been more upset about anything.
(considering nothing in my life has been ever all that bad)
it's absolutely astounding how one action can change so much shit
I really need to think before I do things
I can't believe I let you go so easily
something I wanted so bad and I just gave up
now things can't fucking go back and it's my fault
you're over it and you're obviously just going to make fun of me that my blog is all about you
but I can't help it

I wish real life were like movies where someone fucks up but they're gorgeous/charming enough to win them back in the end.
it amazes me that some people even in real life get second and third chances like they're nothing.
I would give anything for one of those. I guess it just depends on the person.
fuck I would give anything to just go back and change things as fucked up and pathetic as that is.
giving up being genuinely happy for something that made me happy for the moment was not worth it.
all this has been floating around in the back of my head for quite some time now and it just needs to be put somewhere.
I apologize for anyone that follows me, ha.

it sucks that it takes so long to build up a relationship and all it takes is one fuck up to ruin everything.
it makes me sick to my stomach to know that I can never have any of it ever again.
call it selfish, I know but again I can't help it.

maybe it was that one thing that finally gave you a reason to kick me out of your life in that way, I don't know.
you and everyone around me tells me to just get over it and move on but someone tells me not to and that's the hardest part.
everyone ever is telling me how much you like her and that you said you did so I should just let go of 'that shitty relationship' and I should stop lying to myself that there was something still there. maybe you did get over me faster than I'm currently getting over you, but I can't help what I feel and I will defend you even if everyone is against me. and even if I turn out to be wrong and you really didn't care as much as I feel you do/did.

okay well now I'm starting to ramble

it just sucks that things have to be like this. I wish I just knew everything, or felt some sort of closure. or at least a time machine.

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