there's nothing I miss more

I don't know why I did this to myself, fuck.

I ordered Conker's Bad Fur Day for the n64, and a nifty pair of cords. I am satisfied.

very annoyed. today is going to be bad.

my dad said this to me today-
"are you going steady with him?" keep in mind he really did say going steady like we were in the 80's anywho, I replied, "kind of." because it's complicated and the internet is the internet. he then says, "well just don't leave something you could have really liked just to be ignored again." which is the advice basically everyone has given me. not that I have a chance to go back, because it was a flat out no. again not that it matters because whatever you do you'll never be happy. there's just no way anyone can commit themselves to something if there's another something- or someone else there. I suppose you're the only thing holding me back. I don't know what that means, probably nothing good. and at the same time I'm hurting someone that cares about me. I really need to make a decision. forever alone or not but with a bad feeling in the back of my mind. terrible. I am not okay.